She couldn't sleep that night.
For once she did something different, she looked at the ceiling. Because of the tears that wouldn’t stop running down her cheeks, her neck got soaked, her hair messed up and she nearly choke on what it seemed to be a despair cry. She was just sitting on the toilet seat.
The ceiling.
It was full of fungus, black and dark green spots she couldn't understand. Something about missing her biology classes, she always found physics more interesting. The way two bodies have the energy to bring themselves together when compatibility was present no matter how strong some other force would push them out of their way.
Actually, she missed the physics classes as well.
Whatever
She loved English, though.
She used to stand up and read whatever that could make her feel something greater than the things she already felt.
Nothing seemed to make her want to get away from feeling.
It was her definitive escape. It was her life.
She decided to pull her head down again.
Out of the bathroom into the bedroom someone would wait for her.
No. Nobody was there at all.
All she carried were great expectations. Green lights coming from every direction and into her backpack. The backpack was red and black.
Great, great expectations.
She decided she would take a shower, bring some nice smell to her hair, feel the texture of the soap against her skin, let the water run all over her, not only around her face. She decided she wanted her eyes to close for a bit till her hair got all wet.
She couldn’t cope with goodbye.
Couldn’t cope with somebody else’s despair… Why was this so hard anyway? Her muscles, she knew it, were so strong. Her legs always were ready to give her all the support she needed. Her tongue, always so red, so tender, so sweet. Her ears were all aching for new ideas. Her heart was pounding with such a force, stronger than one thousand horses. She pretended she didn’t care at all. She wanted to be safe and she would drain all the blood from her body to protect her brother’s flesh. She was so tired of being frightened; she just wanted to feel safe.
And don’t us all?
***
She decided to do something different that night.
She decided to really dream.
Make little spots of curvy clouds all around her head.
That particular night the wind was blowing a bit faster and the noises it made were sufficient to wake the entire town up.
She, at least that night, had awakened. Her dreams went out for a walk as she watched them fly. The wind was her friend.
***
A few months later the backpack was open on the floor of this cheap hotel room.
The story had begun with a warm embrace. The lips on her cheeks were from this beautiful boy, a blond one, with pale blue eyes that lingered on her dark hair. The smell in the air was the same of that one particular night a few months ago when all the green lights were moving towards her backpack. Now, this boy’s lips were sealing her destiny.
***
The phone rang constantly.
She woke up and heard the noise of someone showering in the bathroom, she opened her eyes and came to her senses, it was her man showering inside.
From the bathroom box he asked her to pick his phone up as if she could understand what he was saying, she acted by instinct answering it as soon as she laid her hands on it.
The voice on the other side was familiar, was an old friend of his and now a good friend of hers and he was coming to pick them up.
That morning she decided to do something different. She went out of bed, completely naked and sang a song to him.
He got out of the shower astonished.
The song went on as she walked into the bathroom, peed and kissed her man that was just amazed by her voice.
A different morning, a different taste and a different thought in that same old and cheap hotel room, this is how it started.
***
The car was waiting, the people already insane on the streets, her fate drew by the hands of that big boy that held her red backpack so she could get her wallet out.
***
The way she looked at him was a bit different. That night was the first time she was working away from him.
The camera was clicking but she seemed to be far away from there. She was making the portraits of these beautiful eleven years old. Blond locks, blue eyes, red lips all reminding her of him.
Outside the window the world was falling apart.
When it rained it got harder to be away from him.
Tomorrow she would call him, it’d be the first thing of the day.
***
He decided to give her his best but he could not.
Away from her arms that were the only home he knew, he asked for some company.
He wasn’t in a cheap hotel room, it was a nice one. Five stars, caviar for appetizer, expensive wine and some expensive drugs as in expensive behavior’s book says... Yep. He knew it would blow it.
***
The morning came and she called him.
Two weeks without him. Two weeks without her and with so many other thoughts.
He didn’t answer the phone, his eyes found two girls lying in bed with him, his legs walked him out of the room.
Friends were waiting him to leave.
She called again, he didn’t pick it up.
By nine she was crying sitting on the couch facing the window wearing his favorite t-shirt. The rain was only a tiny part of the scenario of her small play.
One more different thing to be doing.
***
He came home, opened the door to find her in the same couch, now sleeping. It was night, she hadn’t eaten at all, the computer was on and the light was off.
He crawled to her, leaving the door opened.
The cold wind from outside woke her up and forced her to get up. He reached to her crying, lied on her chest bringing her limbs around him. His tears were comforting, he was back to her.
***
They had underwear on in the kitchen and she was making chocolate "brigadeiro". Laughter filled the air, the colors of the flowers he brought her were so warm and gentle. The camera was shooting his every movement and they were as happy as kids would be, knowing tomorrow would never bring any bad news.
***
They walked their dog every now and then but that morning they did it very early, as the sun was rising.
They stopped by the park to watch the sun rise as he kneeled and pulled a ring from his pocket asking her to marry him, but the ring was too big for her proper finger so she got it and wore it around her thumb… Perfect match. They would marry in late November.
***
Great expectations.
***
November came. A different name was taken, different needs, different everything.
***
Love reigns.
